As part of our series on International Perspectives on Child to Parent Violence, we hear from Carole Baker, who, alongside Cathy Press, delivers training and support to practitioners in the Who’s in Charge? programme. Who’s in Charge? (WIC?) was devised in Australia by Eddie Gallagher to support the parents of children using harmful and aggressive behaviour towards them, and has been rolled out widely across Britain through Carole and Cathy’s intervention. Carole brings a different perspective to our previous contributors as her work is based in this country, but encountering parents from across the globe she and Cathy have learnt about the importance of understanding different cultures, the nuances of language, of not taking anything for granted, and that there is always more we can all learn from each other. She offers some of the experiences she has encountered along the way, and some tips to take forward in all our work.
Having worked alongside parents in various communities for the past 25 years, and addressing child to parent violence and abuse (CAPVA) since 2009, I wanted to share our learning and some practical ways we found to connect with and support parents across diverse communities in our local community for whom English is an additional language (EAL); and how using the WIC? program we addressed the issue of CAPVA.
I use 3 simple messages when thinking about working with parents with EAL and across diverse communities.
- Never assume an approach is not going to work. Set out with a passion to simply support the parent.
- Always assume parents have some understanding and a power, and will to make changes within the family.
- Think creatively around addressing the potential language, communication and cultural difference challenges you may face! There will be struggles and challenges. Be prepared to learn during the process.
As a social pedagogue offering a relationship-centred approach, I aim to support well-being, learning, and social inclusion by connecting individuals to society. Social pedagogy is less about specific methods and more about the “how” and that the underlying attitude of the professional is authentic, empathetic, and reflective.
In May 2013 our local area annual report stated ours was a town where over 70 different languages were spoken. In fact, 17.1% of the community were from other than white British ethnicities. Linguistic diversity was also visible in schools, with some schools having roughly 30% of students speaking English as an additional language. I wanted passionately to support all communities within the town to address CAPVA, which seemed to be occurring more and more regularly within the families with whom I worked. Here are just some of the ways in which we approached and supported parents with EAL from diverse communities across the town.
Make it their own.
We trained a group of bi-lingual volunteers who were working within a local voluntary organisation to facilitate the Who’s in Charge? Programme. We supported them to run the programme locally and they translated key messages into the language and cultural meaning of the communities they were working in. Some of the bi-lingual nuances we realised needed to be carefully considered as not all the ideas within the programme translated easily into another language. I recall a discussion in which a certain phrase did not translate into Russian or Romanian. This needed working through in the moment in terms of carrying the relevant idea appropriately to parents.
During another face-to-face parenting programme, we supported some of those trained facilitators to act as real-time interpreters supporting parents who were fluent in the same home language. This worked well although again some of the ideas were tricky to interpret due to those subtle nuances between languages, and sometimes a word or term not existing in another language. The programme took longer to run each week than it normally would.
As well as volunteers, we are increasingly training multi-lingual professionals to deliver the WiC? programme.
Partnerships
We partnered with a local primary school to host a programme in the school that had a large number of parents whose first language was Polish. We engaged one of the parents who spoke both Polish and English fluently, to act as the group support and interpreter, as while many of the parents understood English they didn’t consider themselves fluent enough to converse in English during the programme. This worked incredibly well as the parents supported one another as a group and made strident changes throughout the programme.
Parent hubs
We have used parent hubs as a place for parents to come and have a coffee and discuss challenges facing them as a parent and where any parents in the community are welcome. The hubs ran in schools, local children’s, centre, church halls and community halls across the town. Once again we have mentored parents who had EAL and who were also fluent in English to work within the hubs as a way of supporting parents from across diverse communities.
One such community was a group of parents from African nations for whom we ran a WIC? group. This worked well although culturally, we realised we had much to learn. In the UK we are sticklers for time and clock watching, driven by those Victorian values of ‘clocking-in’ and out of factories so that workers could be paid appropriately. The parents we were working with had a joyously different approach to time, and we conceded that not every group would start “on time”. Many parents brought lunch or food to share which led to a convivial start each week; this was unexpected and wasn’t something that we had planned for. We conceded that we should have researched the community rather more intently.
Trusting supporters to get the message across
In 2020 we took the programme online, and, like many others, I found myself hastily drawn into supporting parents from all over the country on Zoom. In addition to the now well-recognised challenges, we had new and unexpected dynamics as individuals brought friends to attend with them online in order to provide translation and emotional support. On one occasion a parent whose fluent language was Chinese attended with a friend from a separate cultural and language group, yet who was trusted to bring translation and understanding. Despite the first parent not even being able to attend each session in person, about 3 months after the end of the group, I received a thank you letter from the school stating that the parent had made many changes and the parent and child had re-cemented their relationship. The parent was back in authority in the home and the child no longer using harmful behaviour toward the parent.
Some things we have learned over the years
- Oftentimes the language barrier stops parents from seeking support. But never underestimate that, no matter what the language or diversity, when parents are united in experiencing an issue there are many approaches that can and will succeed in supporting them to make changes. Bi-lingual nuances matter, although supporting parents to work out how they can prevent and stop a child using harmful behaviour toward them and siblings matters more.
- In translation, a different language may not have that word or that word may have a different meaning. The perception of what constitutes abuse is “socially constructed” and varies over time and between cultures. In many languages, the term for abuse is split between the “misuse” of an object/privilege and “cruel treatment” of a person.
- Parents from diverse communities may have grown up with different customs and a different sense of child development and parenting than the ideas used in the UK, Patience and understanding on our part are paramount rather than policy, dogma and doctrine.
- Acronyms, shorthand terms and abbreviations… Just don’t use them in either spoken or written language! Many parents, however long they have been in this country, and sometimes people working in the welfare system, don’t know what they mean.
- Not everyone understands the British safeguarding and welfare system, why we have it and how it works, so it’s vital never to assume when speaking about safeguarding or welfare of police responses that people automatically understand the significance.
- The sense of shame is much deeper within some communities due to cultural or faith reasons; and in some communities hurting a parent is considered a sin and has a much sharper significance. This can mean it’s harder for parents to come forward for support. In some settings, if the community knows what is happening there is significant blame attributed to the mother for not raising the child well or spoiling them, which can isolate a parent even further.
- Remember that parents who use English as an additional language can still be suspicious of authority figures especially if they have not lived long in the UK. In some situations, immigration status can also prevent families from seeking help or reaching out for fear of being repatriated.
- Make use of people who bring the richness of fluency in more than one language to ensure connection with other communities and accuracy of translation, whether written or spoken.
- Make more time to be sure messages are properly understood, perhaps a separate moment for parents who are not sure they have fully understood. Handouts can really help here as there is something to take home and to reinforce the learning. Another language may be more easily read by an individual lacking confidence to speak.
- In the age of ‘only digital accepted here’ never be afraid to use pens and paper and diagrams and pictures when it gets sticky. A picture still paints a thousand words!
- And finally: Sometimes it’s our own feelings of professional helplessness, or concern about how we are getting the message across that can get in the way. Try and keep the focus on supporting the parent. Always trust in a parent’s willingness to make the change.
Across diverse communities, time, food, culture, faith, discipline and parenting can all be quite different although we are all united in wanting the best life and the best outcome for our children. The saying ‘we have more in common than difference’ certainly applies when working alongside parents. We are all on a similar journey in terms of wanting to keep our children safe and for them to grow to independence and offer a positive contribution within their own lives, families and communities. Extending our support for parents across communities and preventing children behaving harmfully toward parents and siblings can only further this aim.
I would end by encouraging anyone working with the field of CAPVA to look outside of the immediate referral sphere to see who else needs support with the issue of CAPVA within your community. Which parents are missing out on support?
We receive contacts daily from professionals and parents seeking support. At Who’s in Charge? and as a member of the CAPVA national strategic group in the UK we are still learning and yet determined to ensure that all parents can find support.
Thank you to Carole for this insightful contribution.


